PM’s Health Bulletin

—Girish Ghildiyal

PM’s other knee went under surgeon’s scalpel early this month. We are told that after this operation the movement of his knees will not be painful as it was earlier. And all the functions normally associated with knees, including jerking in reaction and bending before the mighty will be smooth and perfect.

But his other ailment – the vision problem, is troubling his managers more than the knees. Initially doctors thought it was “Myopia” or short sightedness, which is quite common these days. But PM’s vision problem is weirder and has been vexing the doctors for sometime now. His “myopia” is made worse by what some doctors have identified as “Propo problem”. A patient with “ Propo problem” is at total loss to figure out depth, height, breadth etc. of other objects and himself. The patient is perpetually confused about his and other people’s stature – he imagines himself taller than he actually is and other people shorter than they actually are. Patient totally mixes up the idea of position – he thinks he is standing tall while he is bending backwards; or he may think he is sitting firm in the chair while he is hanging on to it.

This creates considerable problems for his other ailments. Take the pain in his neck, called by experts as “Pak problem”. It could have healed by traditional methods, but he went for the Jugular, and chose somewhat unclear explosive treatment (a proportion problem). Unclear explosive treatment did not meet with expected success and necessitated a more painful therapy of regular armtwisting by old Doctor Bill with a desperate dose of ceasefire every month (later extended to once in three months, now dropped). The new HOD, Dr. Bush is applying “poli pressure” techniques – this includes sessions of smoking peace pipe with John Musharraf and writing elevating poetry on NMD.

“Propo problem” has also resulted in lot of pain on his knuckles. Head of family (RSS) and other siblings – like SJM and BMS are giving him not so friendly raps from time to time. They have the grouse that he is more inclined to a distant relative of theirs – one Uncle Sam. And that because of “propo problem” he thinks that Uncle is benevolent and eager to share his considerable wealth. They are appalled at the prospect of losing their brand equity when he rubs his hands in glee and jumps with joy at every promise peddled by Uncle Sam. And he was so misty eyed when he read that classified report from Indian Embassy in Washington about the information from an authoritative source that one of the Janitors at White House had overheard Mr. Powell telling his deputy to beat around “Bush” on Indian matters. A secretary of State taking such pains about India really represented a radical shift in US policy – here you have another poem in the making. They family is really worried that the only earning member of the family is heading for bankruptcy.